I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
