This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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