No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
