Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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