I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
