I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
