just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
