So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
