I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
