Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
