I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
