Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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