Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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