I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
