he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
