I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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