btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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