I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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