I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
