FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
