1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
