Will you blow on my dice?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
