I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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