I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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