Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I wish you could order shots online.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
BRING THE BAGELS
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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