So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
