She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
