I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
