we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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