i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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