Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
