I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
