I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
