im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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