when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
