Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
we should paint friendship bongs
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