Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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