which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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