She is in my trunk
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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