im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
