I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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