I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
