sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
