We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
