i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
