My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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