I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
