i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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