Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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