you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
