your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
