the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
