Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
