your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
